Narcissists are often found in positions of power, so it would be no surprise, really.

“You get the feeling that Planet Earth is Satan’s playground.” On my way back from Zimbabwe recently, I was chatting to my driver, Ella, a strong, intelligent, brave and Godly woman. She was taking me to the airport to catch my flight back to South Africa. As we dodged potholes and navigated roads without markings or traffic lights, we were chatting about the desperate state of the Zimbabwean economy.

She described life in Zimbabwe as the equivalent of living in hell. Life under a tyrannical dictatorship has left the economy, infrastructure and soul of the Zimbabwean people in tatters. The brazen display of intimidation and corruption is palpable on every dusty, pot-holed street corner. Hundreds of circulating Cape Crows foretelling of more death and destruction to come.

I am an optimist. My positivity has pulled me through my darkest hours. But for the first time in my life, reality obliterated my optimism. The hard truth of what has happened to Zimbabwe and its people continues to bring tears to my eyes. Story after story of people being illegally evicted from their homes. Land seized and pension funds stolen. I spoke to a Zimbabwean man whose father is a retired school teacher. He gets a $3 a month pension from the government which isn’t even enough to buy a bag of sugar. On top of that, he received a letter from the government stating his home of 30 years is “illegal” and he must move out within three months. There is such a distrust of the government, that the average Zimbabwean will not put their money into a bank.

Robert Mugabe, the late president of Zimbabwe, killed thousands of people, and destroyed the livelihoods of many more. Everything had to be done his way, and for his financial benefit. If it wasn’t, he went on a killing spree, taking out the opposition and murdering any one who opposed him. Narcissists are known for their controlling nature and cruelty.

According to a TED Talk by Clive Body, corporate psychopaths constitute 1% of the population. As they are more educated, they tend go into organizational and corporate positions, rather than choosing a criminal career. But how do you classify corrupt, sociopathic world leaders? Essentially, they have chosen an organizational career and made it criminal.

What these narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths have in common is that they are bullies and they lack empathy. They literally have no conscience. They are ruthless, some even murderous, and they sleep peacefully at night. They genuinely do not give a damn about the people they’re supposed to serve. Instead, they selfishly serve their own self-interests. Gaslighting, lying and covering their tracks. Many of them derive pleasure from the pain they inflict.

According to the Zimbabwean people I spoke to, there was so much hope when former vice president, Emmerson Mnangagwa, took over in late 2017. His predecessor, Robert Mugabe, was forced to resign in the aftermath of a 2017 coup d’état.

However, hope has turned to horror as things have only deteriorated. Word on the street is that Mnangagwa is even worse than Mugabe, if that is even possible. In my opinion, the current political party, the ruling ZANU-PF, is running the country like a private business. It’s how the corrupt few make their millions. Selling the souls of their citizens to the highest bidders. They are currently profiting by selling mining rights to the Chinese who are buying up the mining companies.

The average Zimbabwean is not benefitting from the sale of these precious resources. Rather, they are kicked off their land and the money is used to line the pockets of the corrupt ZANU-PF political party members. Sadly, what is happening in Zimbabwe in not unusual and it is not new.

Historically, there have been many leaders who were malignant narcissists and sociopaths:

Hitler, who was responsible for the deaths of 5.4–5.8 million Jews during The Holocaust, Nero who brought destruction and misery to the Romans, Alexander the Great, who prioritized his military goals over his people, and Henry V111 who was literally a serial killer. Josef Stalin, the former leader of the Soviet Union a ruled with an iron fist and terrorized and tortured his citizens. It’s interesting to look at today’s rulers and to see that in many ways, nothing much has changed. History continues to repeat itself.

When I travelled to India, I witnessed severe poverty but it somehow still had its own, unique beauty. There was a sense of dignity amongst even the poorest of the poor. In Zimbabwe, poverty had no beauty or dignity. It looked and felt ugly. The suffering ran deep and I could feel it. I reflected on the difference between the two countries. A client of mine pointed out that it’s the energy of oppression that is the difference. She is spot on. It’s oppression that strips a person of their dignity and their humanity.

I write mostly about narcissism on a micro level — narcissism within a family dynamic, work situation or in the context of a marriage or a romantic partnership. But what I have come to realize is that the problem extends upward and outward. The bigger issue is what I am going to refer to as “macro-narcissism.” Narcissism that runs through our corporate and political leadership. The real virus in our society is not some contagion that requires a vaccine. Rather, it is narcissism, which affects us spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. Narcissism is a sickness that is corrupting our communities, our values and the protective structure of the family.

I was born in Bulawayo, Zimbabwe (formally known as the British colony, Rhodesia). When I was five years old we emigrated to South Africa. The past few years I had a burning desire to go back to my roots to connect to the people and the land of my birth. So I packed up my life and booked a one-way ticket to Harare. I landed with a bump. It was not a soft landing and I was thrown into chaos and disarray the moment I landed. Being a seasoned traveller and digital nomad, I took it all in my stride. As I do in any new place, I dive in, expecting the best.

If you have seen the movie Trainspotting, you will remember the infamous toilet scene. “The worst toilet in Scotland.” Well, in Harare every single public toilet trumps Scotland. I did what I had to do because I am adaptable like that. But it made me realize how little the Zimbabwean people have been conditioned to expect for themselves, and from their government. Every single street is full of pot holes. Plumbing doesn’t work, paint is peeling, floor boards are missing and windows are cracked. No money is spent on infrastructure. There are 12-hour power cuts multiple times a week. The water is switched off randomly for hours on end.

The Zimbabwean Dollar is not worth the paper it is printed on. The only way to survive is to buy US Dollars on the black market. There are no pretty spaces or modern malls or cute coffee shops. Everything is dusty, old and neglected. However, I found an incredible amount of beauty in the trees lining the streets and within the lush plant and bird life. Mother Nature soothing the hearts of those forced to live in such a toxic environment.

There is a diametric split in Zimbabwe: On the one hand there is the ordinary man on the street. Zimbabweans are some of the friendliest, most helpful and soulful people you will ever meet. They have suffered the most heinous abuse at the hands of the ruling political party ZANU-PF. Yet, they carry on, heads held high.

On the other hand, I heard story after story of murders, police brutality and corruption. Anyone who opposes the government is stamped out and removed. Members of the ruling party ZANU-PF are violent, bullies who only care about power and accumulating wealth for themselves. They have zero empathy for the people they claim to govern.

One of the many reasons why I left Zimbabwe far earlier than planned is because I stopped feeling safe. One Sunday, I was walking the owner of my guesthouse’s dog near the golf course (as members of that community do). I was suddenly approached by a security guard, menacingly approaching me with a police baton. I was told to leave NOW as his flicked his baton for dramatic effect. Apparently, some government official at the club house did not want me near there. I felt quite shaken and left immediately, grateful to have Diamond, the Australian sheep dog by my side. I am still trying to make sense of that senseless threatening and intimidating experience.

Just as narcissists build their lives on lies and dishonesty, so has the Zimbabwean government. This causes paranoia and they feel threatened by anything and anyone they feel they cannot control. I realized there was no way I would survive in this city. I have come too far on my healing journey to keep quiet and fawn to keep myself safe. I have a voice and I will not keep quiet. I felt it was better to leave and write about it from a (safe) distance.

In Zimbabwe, you are not allowed to talk about politics unless you support the ruling party. Any talk of politics and how much you wish the government would be voted out is done in whispers and hushed tones. Everything needs to be done sneakily. Just as you walk on eggshells in a narcissistic relationship, the average Zimbabwean citizen is walking on eggshells, terrified of being punished for having an opposing view.

The final straw for me came late one Thursday night. A new guest had moved into the cottage next to mine. He was a member of ZANU-PF and always had one or two bodyguards flanking him. It was approaching midnight and five or six of his guests were playing music, shouting, chanting and making a huge racket. “ZANU! ZANU! ZANU! ZANU-PF!” Even with ear plugs, I could not fall asleep. Finally, out of desperation, I got up, pulled on my gown and slippers and popped next door. I knocked discreetly on the window wanting to respect their privacy. Eventually, the man who had booked in as a guest came stumbling out, drunk and slurring. Realizing he was drunk, I remained calm and politely asked if he could possibly close his front door. It was midnight and I had a client booked for 7.30 am the following morning.

That is when narcissism revealed its ugly head. He immediately went into a narcissistic rage and started accusing me of being a racist. He shouted a string of ugly, abusive things at me that I will not poison your ears and mind with. I remained calm and neutral which I think infuriated him even more. In his defense, he did “apologize” the next day (only to avoid being kicked out). But unfortunately, the things he had said could not be taken back. I am a firm believer that the truth comes out when you are drunk. And the truth that came out of his mouth was how racist ZANU-PF really is. I am not racist. I don’t mind what color your skin is or what language you speak, I look at your character. Your character has nothing to do with your culture or your race.

“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” ~ Martin Luther King

Other examples of narcissism outside of the home are on full display with cancel culture. The “woke mob” and radical trans activists who use fear to intimidate people into adopting their ideology. Doxxing, de-platforming, shaming, labeling people “racists’ or “trans-phobes” to silence them and initiating smear campaigns are all narcissistic tactics used to punish people for not complying. Narcissists go into a rage when they are challenged with the truth. They immediately do whatever it takes to shut you down and destroy you.

Freedom of speech and self-expression are being taken away by a few narcissistic bullies. It feels like the same sense of foreboding you get when a narcissistic parent or spouse returns home. Suddenly, you tense up, knowing you need to be on guard. Being extra careful with what you say and editing your words and behavior to avoid a rage attack or some other form of punishment.

Collectively, we are being bullied by a small group of narcissistic psychopaths. Just as a narcissist in a family system rules and destroys the family, society is being divided, triangulated and separated by its narcissistic leaders.

Narcissistic leaders destroy relationships and unity in order to maintain control

When the person at the top of a corporation or political party is malignant and corrupt, the poison unfortunately drips down. Bad corrupts good and sets the tone. Fawning and servility are rewarded. Genuine hard work is not. Unethical behavior becomes normalized. Instead of a strong visionary with the appropriate leadership skills rebuilding a company or a country, you end up with a corrupt, self-serving leader who is entitled. They charm you into voting for them and once they’re in power, you see them for who they truly are.

Their lack of empathy and raging narcissism ends up destroying lives, livelihoods and whole countries. Look at what is happening to the farming industry in Sri Lanka and Holland, for example. Instead of taking care of the people they have promised to serve, governments are putting self-serving policies in place with no regard for those they destroy along the way. One only has to look at what happened at Enron and Theranos to see the destructive effects narcissists can have on lives, businesses and organizations.

The more power a narcissistic leader acquires, the more they push the boundaries. Look at how some first world leaders are now trying to control what their citizens can access and read online. Narcissists have no boundaries and want to control every aspect of your life. They also want to control the narrative as they are terrified of being found out.

Narcissists lack integrity and will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals. They see themselves as above the law and they feel no shame for their toxic behaviors. Unfortunately, toxic leaders corrupt those that work under them. In the process they fundamentally change the culture of the company or country they lead.

Whilst staying in Harare, I decided to apply for my ID card, residency and passport. This plunged me into the bowels of the Zimbabwean administrative system. I learned very quickly that the only way to get what I wanted was to pay bribes. No bribe, no service. What was confronting was seeing the soldiers casually walking around with AK-47 rifles, loosely hanging from their hips. I felt like I had stepped into a dystopian reality. The soldiers would walk up to a crowd of us and herd us with their rifles. We had to move a few steps forward over some imaginary line. It was not logical and it made no sense. It was purely done to maintain a feeling of fear and control. They deliberately intimidate the people they are supposed to serve and protect.

Everywhere I looked, there was decay and despair. I was referred to as a “murungu” meaning a “white person who has money.” I am by no means rich, but as a white woman, I am seen as someone with means. They will attempt to extract as many Dollars as they can from you. Whilst I was slipping twenty dollar bills under the counter, things ran fairly smoothly. But the moment I felt I had been taken advantage of enough, and approached the system just like an ordinary citizen, I was met with hostility and contempt. Files were “lost” and I was made to sit for hours on a cold metal bench in the freezing winter air while they watched me suffer, with no intention of helping me.

As I sat on that cold, metal bench, I realized I was being deliberately intimidated into paying the $100 bribe. Something in me snapped. I got up, marched confidently up to the official behind the counter and asked assertively for my file. Her fingers were shaking as she tried to extract another bribe out of me to “find” it. I looked her straight in the eyes and said, “Thank you. You have done me a huge favor today. Not only have you saved me $600 but your dishonesty is the answer to my prayer. I am not meant to live in this abusive, corrupt society. I am going home. I am going back to South Africa. Thank you for helping me find clarity.” Her jaw dropped as I turned around and walked out. I figured, better the devil you know.

According to Charles A. O’Reilly, “studies have shown that narcissistic CEOs are more likely to engage in fraud and other types of white-collar crime, manipulate earnings, and pursue aggressive tax avoidance. And a 2013 study of U.S. presidents found that those who scored higher on the narcissism scale were more likely to abuse their authority (not to mention, on a personal level, their marriage vows)… At the same time, even without narcissism, power disinhibits — it encourages people to indulge their worst instincts — so now you’ve got the two working together.”

Despite the darkness and feelings of powerlessness, I am so glad that I got to experience what I did in Zimbabwe. I felt seen and heard by its people and for that I feel blessed. My eyes are wide open and I am scrutinizing things more carefully. I am not just believing what I am being told by those in authority. You have to learn to trust your own inner authority. You are your own boss and the leader of your life.

I am thankful for Lizzy, the domestic worker who took me under her wing. She allowed me to feel what the love of a mother or an older sister could feel like. Philemon, who pushed and persisted and helped me get my paperwork. Thank you! My biggest life lesson is gratitude. I realize how much I was taking for granted. I also realized how much I have grown. I am not willing to be silenced, intimidated and abused. Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths use the weapons of fear, anger, guilt, shame and obligation to make you comply and do their bidding. Heal the parts of yourself that allow these programs to operate. Find your voice and strengthen yourself by connecting to a Higher Power. Don’t participate in the narcissist’s deluded fantasy. Step away from the chaos and choose better. And if you can, vote.