After watching the Jimmy Saville documentary on Netflix, I was shocked at how this predator hid in plain sight. Interestingly, he did what most narcissists do — he continually told people exactly what he was doing. If you listen carefully to what he says in the documentary (and don’t allow yourself to be distracted by his antics), he is alluding to the truth of who he is All.Of. The.Time.

He frames the truth as a “joke” and smirks every time he dupes his enraptured audience.

“When people tell you who they are, believe them.” ~ Maya Angelou

When you listen to narcissists talk, they tell you over and over again exactly what they are doing to you. In fact, they often project their thoughts, actions and feelings onto you. What they are accusing you of is precisely what they are doing to you. It was no different with the world’s most notorious paedophile, Jimmy Saville. His “jokes” were actually him blatantly telling the audience exactly what he was up to. In an interview, in answer to the question,

“Were you a wrestler?”

He replied, “Every girl’s school in the country is scared of me.”

I do not believe he was joking about his ability as a wrestler… The girls he molested at those schools got to experience his oily hands on their young bodies, firsthand. I have no doubt they were terrified of him. He also stated in another interview:

“I am not clever, I am tricky. If you are clever, you get found out. If you are tricky you don’t.”

As an adored TV personality, he had access to an unlimited flow of narcissistic supply. He fed off the adoration of his millions of fans for over 60 years. (A-grade narcissistic supply, indeed!) He is a classic Magician, using deception, illusion and trickery to serve his own needs and to deceive his audience. But this is where it gets confusing, because those who worked closely with him, saw all the good he was doing. Even the Royal family was impressed by his ability to raise millions for charity.

He raised money to fund hospitals and he made hundreds, if not thousands, of children’s dreams come true. He volunteered, he worked tirelessly in hospitals and children’s institutions. He positioned himself as a humanitarian, dedicated to the service and upliftment of local communities in the UK.

What astounded me the most was how he got away with blatant abuse for so long. Apart from being a paedophile and a sociopath, I believe he is your classic communal narcissist. No one could see the bad in him. At the time, those he abused knew they would not be believed.

Before we explore communal narcissism, it’s helpful to have an understanding of the different types of narcissism:

– The covert or vulnerable narcissist gets narcissistic supply by playing the victim. “Woe-is-me,” is their mantra.

– The overt or grandiose narcissist gains supply via their charm and success. “Look at me! Look at me!” is their mantra.

– The cerebral narcissist gains supply through their intellect. They have higher than average IQ’s and make sure that everyone knows it. They use big words that no one understands and continually flaunt their intellectual prowess. “See how clever I am and how intellectually inferior you are,” is their mantra.

– The somatic narcissist is obsessed with their body and looks. They spend an inordinate amount of time and money maintaining themselves. They get supply from your admiration and lust for them. They leverage their sexuality to get what they want. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am the fairest of them ALL!” is their mantra.

– Malignant narcissists are sadists. They are antisocial and get supply from hurting and destroying people. “Your pain is my pleasure,” is their mantra.

– Antagonistic narcissists are always putting others down. They get narcissistic supply by being derogatory to others. “I was only joking — Not!” is their mantra.

– The communal narcissist is your classic virtue signaler. They get narcissistic supply by being seen as the most charitable, most helpful person in the world. They project the illusion that they are the most trustworthy person you will ever meet and only have your best interests at heart. It’s clear how Jimmy Saville worked this to his advantage. No-one stopped him from driving off with three 14-year old school girls in his car! “Look at how nice, helpful, kind, compassionate, giving and charitable I am,” is their mantra.

Communal narcissism is a term coined by Jochen E. Gebauer, a German researcher. He wanted to distinguish between agentic narcissism and what he coined as ‘communal narcissism.’ Agentic narcissists base their high self-importance, entitlement, and social power on unduly inflated views of their own agency (e.g., intelligence, creativity, and scholastic aptitude) (Grijalva & Zhang, 2016; Wallace, 2011). Communal narcissists on the other hand act humble and self-sacrificing. They portray themselves as saints who are on a mission to change the world for the better.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with doing good deeds but a communal narcissist is doing it purely for validation. They make sure that their efforts are photographed, videoed, posted and written about. And they always manage to look good on camera! The trouble is, if they don’t rack up the likes or get the praise they desire, they may take out their frustration on the very animals, children or people they claim to want to help. This was tragically the case with Sarah and Jennifer Hart who murdered their six adopted children. They portrayed themselves as loving, caring mothers all over social media. But behind closed doors, they were cruel and abusive.

Communal narcissists are the ultimate chameleons. They portray themselves as charitable, kind, warm, helpful, compassionate and caring. They offer their time and services to those who are most vulnerable and in need. They build trust and make sure the whole world sees them doing amazing things for others. You will find them at church functions, in soup kitchens, at charity events and fundraisers — all the places you expect to find humble people who genuinely care about humanity.

Eventually, their well-worn masks slip and their true colors start to shine through. But it’s hard to accept the truth of who they are. They have love-bombed you (and the community) so successfully with their charitable persona. Everyone in the community sees how “wonderful” they are. This means, those they victimize generally aren’t believed when they finally have the courage to speak up.

Those closest to the communal narcissist see who they truly are when things don’t go their way. Behind closed doors, their true narcissistic traits come out — devaluing, gas-lighting and rage attacks. Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn’t see their lack of empathy, opportunism and cruelty.

Narcissists by nature are controlling, scheming and manipulative. They have a deep sense of entitlement and zero empathy. What makes a communal narcissist particularly dangerous is how well they hide their devious natures. You can generally spot a grandiose narcissist a mile away. With time, you eventually uncover a covert narcissist for who they are — a snake in the grass. The malignant narcissist soon reveals how cold and mean-spirited they are but the communal narcissist? They can go undetected for years. They come across as the friendliest people you will ever meet. They create a sense of community and connection. They bring people together and make a point of being seen as the epitome of compassion. However, it’s all a front.

So, what exactly is Communal Narcissism?

Communal narcissism is a form of narcissism whereby the narcissist gains narcissistic supply, status and other benefits from portraying themselves in a grandiose manner within communal and social environments. It’s the vegan who fights for animal rights (but secretly eats meat and cheese), the church elder who sexually abuses the youth he counsels, or the devoted teacher who secretly terrorizes her students. It’s the Church secretary who dips into the coffers. To the world, they are spiritual warriors fighting a good fight. In reality they are toxic and deceptive.

They believe they are socially adept and are on a special mission to save others. While there is nothing wrong with doing charitable works in society, it is ones’ true intention behind one’s actions that matters. A genuine social worker or humanitarian or animal rights activist is interested in being of service to others, for no other reason, other than to make a genuine difference. A communal narcissist does it to serve their own needs. They are serving themselves first and foremost. Once a particular trend or cause dies out, they often move onto the next big thing.

Communal narcissists tend to over-exaggerate their knowledge and skillset. They believe that they are the most charitable, likable and knowledgeable in their field. Everything must go through them and they often position themselves as the gatekeepers within their organizations and groups. This way, they get to control the narrative.

Communal narcissists see themselves as social butterflies that are loved by all. In reality, they are fairly hypocritical, as most of their focus centers on meeting their own intrinsic needs. Their social skills only extend as far as it serves them to “play nice” and look good, often for the camera and social media.

Communal narcissists are as manipulative and as entitled as the grandiose narcissist. They just take a different route towards pulling you into their illusion. Unfortunately, you will have no idea what is really happening until it is too late.

Communal narcissists can also show up as the mother who overextends herself and sacrifices at the altar of motherhood. She fetches and carries all the neighborhood kids making sure everyone knows how amazing she is. Behind closed doors, her own children experience a very different reality. Communal narcissists hook you in with their charm. They can be nurturing and may buy you nice gifts or remember small details about you. This is very flattering and causes you to overlook the red flags that pop up.

Communal narcissists create a persona that says they are here to champion social justice causes. They often have a history of “helping out.” You will see images on their social media of them helping in soup kitchens, hospitals or orphanages. Real humanitarians don’t put such vulgar displays on their social media pages. They respect the privacy and dignity of those that they are (genuinely) serving. Communal narcissists are all about, “Look at me! Look at me! See how kind and generous I am? Isn’t it AMAZING that I am doing this incredible thing for the community?”

They want the world to know what a really nice person they are. They will feign interest in you and your life. Initially, in the love-bombing stage, they will ask you lots of questions and come across as really interested in you as a person. Be aware of those who don’t talk about themselves. Be discerning with those who avoid answering direct questions or give vague answers.

Communal narcissists will be very keen to tap into your social group or contact list. They want to get to know your friends and family members and they’ll charm them like crazy. Your friends and family will comment on what a “nice” person they are and where did you find this special person? The communal narcissist will continue to act charming. They seem to be attentive listeners because they ask open-ended questions. But if you pay attention, you’ll notice that they don’t really tell you a whole lot of personal stuff about themselves.

They create a sense of being a really, really, really a nice person. However, over time, you begin to realize that in the midst of all this niceness and friendliness and kindness and goodness they only want to be admired. You will notice their humble bragging and pictures of them “in action” all over their social media.

What they are really looking for is praise and they demand recognition and adoration. Eventually, communal narcissists begin to reveal their expectations to you. Watch out if you have not been appreciative enough and supported all their beliefs and actions. They will put guilt trips on you and imply, “Look at all the nice things I’ve done for you. I was so nice to you and your family…”

The implication is that you owe them. If you don’t pay your dues, they’ll do a smear campaign against you. It’s all very covert and implied but in their minds, they have already proved themselves and now you owe them your undying loyalty. All their “good deeds” came with a hook… and you’ve been played. Later on you may discover they have a whole lot of debt. Or, they’ve been fired and all the contacts they claimed to have, are not as solid as they led you to believe. They are not as virtuous as they projected themselves to be. Behind the scenes, they often have a whole other life that they don’t want you to know about.

No matter who you are dealing with in life, trust and loyalty need to be earned. It’s great if someone is acting kind, generous and helpful but don’t let that trick you into trusting them prematurely. Listen to the signals from your body. Your body can often read the truth of a person long before your mind figures them out! Notice if you get stabbing pains in your belly, or get a strong urge to get away from them when they have you locked in a conversation. You may subconsciously feel resistance when you need to meet up with them or have a strong desire not to go. Notice if you get a headache or feel exhausted in their company, or directly after engaging with them.

True humanitarians are there to be of service to others. They quietly get on with the job at hand. Their primary objective is not to be glorified for their good works. People that put on a huge show all the time are exhausting to be around. You are forced into the role of captive audience.

Communal narcissists and other manipulators can be hard to spot. This is why it is important to have strong boundaries. Don’t overshare personal information. Communal narcissists are so darn good at charming those around them, so it’s easy to drop your guard. Stay connected to yourself and be aware of how safe your body feels.